2018

Avanti's bookshelf was hurting my eyes with its dusty, shabbily shoved in books and when I got to my feet, started emptying, dusting and generally checking out the books, as Avanti has great taste, I came across a diary, written in 2015/16 and it had her poems scribbled in.
So surreptitiously I went through the poems and selected a few that I thought painted that pure and unblemished thought-space that my daughter sometimes reveals in her.

_________________________________

They work overtime
yet get paid, how much we spend in a day.
Bathe with what we use in one flush.
But laugh more in an hour
 than we do in a day.

__________________________________

Our happiness is
inversely proportional
To the love we give
Which is inversely.

__________________________________

When she cried,
the universe was born.
When she laughed,
the planets trembled
When she was angry
All movement came to a standstill.
When she loved
everything flew by.

Time is the real God.

___________________________________

His eyes glistened
with tears,
nothing could
console him
not anymore,
his best friend
died.
His last words
were 'woof'.

___________________________________

They travelled
to see the
world, but forgot to see
the universe
inside them.

__________________________________

Her hands
trembled
as she put
the ring on his finger
when all she
was thinking about
was the man next
to him.

___________________________________

She slapped his face thrice.
Once for her.
once for her friend
and once for himself.
someone needed to wake him up.

__________________________________


Loving you is like hot coals,
your embers burn,
but only when stoked
repeatedly.
and at the end of the day
the fire always runs cold.

__________________________________

The big picture,
Is a rather small one
from here.
Almost 200 feet away
Its only a small dot
But getting larger everyday.
The road to the big picture
is small and dusty
It gives away no secrets
except that the path is long and winding.
So for now I sit in my chair and enjoy the view
and hope someday
I too will star in the
big picture.

_______________________________________

I may not have reached my destination
but who says I'm travelling.
I am perfectly content in this bubble of mine
while the world moves
around me at light speed.
I take this breather
and revel in it.
I might not have reave reached my destination
but my journey goes on.

________________________________________

To love inadequately
is to be stuck on a 14 hour
plane journey
You are neither here
nor there.

_________________________________________

Self -Evaluation

I am not a glorious poem.
I am not an effortless song
I am not a comforting book
I am not just a friendly home
I have no rhyming scheme
I am not destined
I am ill-written
I am cold
I can be resonating
I can be harmonious
I can be a good read
I can be loving
All I need to do, is
be myself, and not
for you.

__________________________________________

2016

Trust Issues

Marriage requires guts,

trusting someone who was nothing

but a stranger,

just a few years ago.

But stranger than that

is that they fell n love,

and are ready to

sacrifice a part of their life to them,

no questions asked,

no doubts lingering.

A giant leap of faith.

Stranger still is

that they have no qualms against the

looking beyond the surface

of innumerable problems

and to the solution that lies beneath.

Anything can be handled

if you have someone beside.

And the journey after the rituals

are said and done

will never be trekked alone.



2015

Karma does not exist.
We are selfish,
afraid of what
would happen
if we did not even
attempt to lighten
the burden of
sunken shells
surrounding our sea.
not for them,
but only because
we are selfish
Karma does not exist.

***********************

As I tried to wash off
the consequence
of your actions
I found no place to dry it,
only my soul.

***********************

'Wherever you go I follow'
said the sunflower
but to only fall upon
deaf ears.
The sun had no time
to entertain such foolishness
but one day started to burn out
and all the creatures
started to complain
no one took notice
of the sunflower in pain.

************************

I speak invisible words
to show my affection.
My actions are not overt
to those who matter most,
a well kept secret
within the bounds of my emotions.
I am a voice heard above the crowd
but my love is whispered
in the ears of a small strain.

*************************

Questions unanswered.
answers never questioned.
Our existence is a paradox
birth of a soul
requites the death of another.
Numbers never changing
yet barely ever static.
more, more and more
never seems to account for
less, less and even less.
We ask all the right questions
but always answer wrong.


****************************

I'm sorry I gave you a chance
but I would never regret
the pain you caused,
only the fact
that you got a second one.

***************************

I am just a sin.
as are you.
our existence is just
a mirage.
in the everlasting
desert of death.

We are neither
here nor there
passing our days
in a mindless daze.
with no company
but this lifeless body,
I am just a sin
and so are you.

*********************

One futile step after another;
our destination may be different
but our legs work the same.
A stumble here, a limp there
who's to say how to go where.
faster and faster go the feet
as the roads start to constrict.
one futile step after another
to a date with destiny meet.

**********************

As I stood on the terrace,
facing my sea,
waves of salty air rolled over me,
I craned my neck upto stare at a few stars
that extended as far as the eye could see,
and the dark clouds
shuffled awkwardly
in and around the same whirlpool,
I was captured into the moment
of clouds dancing and stars gleaming
and just for a second
I floated away into the night abyss
and reached out to touch the stars
to realize how infinitesimal I am
between sky and sea.

*******************************

Oh where is my Soul?
I dropped it near chaos,
and went to meet the moon
only to return and find
my soul gone awry!

I searched by the stars,
who distance themselves from me,
I went via the earth
but he too was just as soulless as me.

Even the sun with all her light
could not find my soul
not even with all her might.

So I tiptoed back to chaos
with a slump and a drag
and saw my soul
drifting seven light years away.

I slowly started walking
to my poor old soul
that gallivanted off
to a place unknown.

*************************

If fear consumed our souls,
like how a snake swallows whole,
we will become the rat
in a slow experiment with death.
and while we light the hearth
hoping for the best,
we fear our chances
of becoming the cynosure of
the world,
quietly diminish.

*************************

I am so afraid of being left out
so I come an hour early,
just in case.
I fear harsh words,
so I hide in a cocoon
made of my tears.
I dread being hurt again,
and in the process
turn away my closest peers.

*************************

"Oh my cogs, my dear cogs"
cried the machine all alone
"how did thou breaketh so badly so"
said he while his steam created a fog.
"Thou were so shiny and new,
why did they warrant you for infinity times two"
blubbered the machine as all the metal rusted,
even the screws.
"I shall never be perfect without you"
weeped the machine
as all that remained
was the broken cogs of his brain.

***************************

I fear death,
Yet I wonder what the lives
of others will be like
without me in it.
how many days will it take
for my name to become faint,
and how many months when am just
a memory,
how many years will it take
when I am reminisced about
in a bitter sweet way.

****************************
Acatelepsy

This little world,
is much too vast
for an ant
to roam
with the knowledge that
the earth is just a speck.

****************************

Anger coursed through my arteries,
and sadness through my veins,
as a melancholy glee erupted in my spleen.
but my brain kept churning,
with the world and above,
forming a black hole in my heart and without provocation
sucked in the remaining part of me
that strayed to you.

****************************
 
I love the night.
it gives me hope
that the dawn to come,
is so far away
that nothing could
possibly harm,
the ethereal echo
of the catacombic dusk.
 
****************************
 
Desolation

I take a deep breath
and imagine
a scene of serenity,
where the air is still
but the wind is alive.
a murmur in the ground,
overlooked;

Light filters in
mellowing the darkness
of terra and soul,
creating a cacophony of colours.
A shudder in the ground,
ignored;

Lo! appears a solitary boat,
in a solemn procession
from aqua to shore,
with neither oarsman oar,
and across the black lake it goes.
A quake in the ground
Cataclysmic.

**************************

My world is hard liquor
and you are the water
that kills my buzz

***************************

My life is like pani puri.
a hollow shell, not very stable,
one push and it shatters into pieces
unto itself.
I am stuffed with society's filling
often tasting like rubbish,
dipped into toxic water,
that makes my skin sag
my brain fizz
just to fall into
an endless abyss.

*****************************

Where do I belong
in a world
that offers no mercy
or second chances
when all I am
is just a human being.

******************************

Love and Cyclones

The coconut trees with
their windswept leaves,
play the part of a pretty girl
on set,
trying to impress
the leading star;
the dark, buff clouds
were just waiting to shower
the trees with love;
but the maleficent Wind
held many grudges,
refusing to let the Clouds go.

So when the rain poured
and the trees rejoiced,
the Wind roared so loud
that windows rattled
and buildings howled,
the poor Trees had no chance
and collapsed, crying of pain
but nothing could be heard
over the shrieking of the
cold hearted Wind.

***********************

The Grey Cloud

The Grey cloud
falls lower and lower
veiling the Sun's light
showing no discomfort,
or distaste;

It came to be known as Evil,
always up to no good
letting no one be at peace,
always at war
for space in the sky:

The sky was stagnant
it was weeks since the stars
and many faces of the moon
illuminated the night
till an aeroplane, with no haste
went straight through
the Grey cloud
reducing it to the
nothing it began from.

***************************

Insect

I saw this insect
teetering on a wire,
blind as a bat
and walking only with feelers.

It felt around
to see nothing stale,
ans so went forward
on the Lilliputian wire.

Until it hit a wall,
and it fumbled for a bit,
wondering whether to go on
or stand still.

I stared at this insect
by my bedside,
thinking,
Its not just me.

************************

Veins took another shade
In this oneiric reality,
and the cordate leaves
began to seep.
Contrasts in every line
alternating between Dream and truth.
the feeling of falling
scrubbed the shrubs clean,
allowing a new beginning
silent as it may be.

************************

These thoughts never leave
they pang through my heart
and wander past my soul.
Building roots
in every crevice
and crawling through the spaces,
creating an army
of unspoken words
waiting to unleash hell
on a battered psyche.

************************

The thoughts in my mind
pang through my heart.
They creep and crawl
on every limb
trying to find a root and fester.
Once they form strong
its hard to erase
the structure they live on.
So ideas die,
colours fade,
but the thoughts never go away.

*************************








I









 

2014

The sunflower and the moon,

A forbidden attraction,

All the other flowers looked at her with disgrace

As she sighed at the moons face.

She did not know it,

but every glow of his

killed her vibe.

But her love for him never waned

As he grew brighter and brighter

And she grew smaller and smaller

Till one day he shined so bright

that she shriveled up in the ground

and whispered ‘ I see the light’.’

*************************

The clouds had us all fooled.

They looked like air and light

But their insides were of dark and dust.

They spoke of rhyme and folly

but churned in anger and pride

By day the clouds were meek and quiet

but at night they screamed riot!

One day they drifted so far

The sky was recoloured white and grey.

The patches of blue were worshipped

Till they were gone too.

************************

By the next sip

She was gone

her Vodka induced mind

took the literal meaning of

‘Plenty of fish in the sea’

and so off she went

to the darkness

in search of her light.

*******************

I’m going insane

in this mad race to act sane.

If evolution,

caused the survival of the fittest

do we reason that it’s

inhumane to be human.

*********************

Your existence was

a juxtapose.

your soul was white,

but your heart

strived to be black.

You wanted love,

but all you did was loathe.

And even when colour

was brought into your life,

you refused to leave

your cocoon made

of wrong and right.
 

******************** 

If all I could do is care less

maybe the world,

wouldn’t screw me over

with each person  to whom,

I gave a part of myself.

******************

The colour white is a façade.

We white wash our walls

to indicate the purity

of our mentality,

however the colour white

has a mind of it’s own,

It comes of as hubristic

pretending to hide

the dust and grime

when all it does is

expose it more.

************** 

She is the aether to my light

and minkowski space isn’t big enough

to contain all that she is.

If spacetime pinned her entity

she would be a blackhole in relativity.

and sometimes her gravitational waves

are strong enough to create

wormholes in my 2 dimensional existence.

 ************************

We’re always in a rush

to get somewhere,

a goal, a place

who cares,

we never stop for another person

trying to go places too,

since we think that means

we opt to loose,

so allowing fear to lead the way.

 ***********************

 

The thoughts in my mind

pang through my heart.

They creep and crawl

on every limb

trying to find a root

and fester.

Once they form strong

it’s hard to erase

the structure they live on.

So Ideas die,

Colours fade,

but the thoughts never go away.

 ******************

Veins took on another shade

In this Oneiric reality,

and the cordate leaves

began to seep.

Contrasts in every line

alternating between

Dreams and truth.

the feeling of falling

scrubbed the shrubs clean,

allowing a new beginning

silent as it may be.